amusing_and_confusing on Xanga

Thursday, 08 December 2011

Winter,

I haven't done an actual photo update on here in so long! So I woke up this morning and decided to bring my xanga back to life. I've been cheating on it with tumblr. If you guys have a tumblr you should follow me! http://amusing-and-confusing.tumblr.com
Anyways, this post is winter themed. Winter is my favorite season, so I hope that you guys are also in the christmas spirit!
Enjoy (:
<3

Tuesday, 08 November 2011

I thought about being sad about our breakup

but then I think about how he called me a stupid whore and it just makes me laugh. I have the right to be upset when I’m in a relationship where my boyfriend doesn’t ever try to spend time with me or even talk to me. So when I offer to just be friends, he probably should have taken that offer, but instead he told me that he was going to kill himself and blamed me for it. For the record, he does this a lot, he says that he’s going to kill himself and he’ll send me pictures off google of cut up wrists and bottles of pills, but I can tell from the pictures that he didn’t actually take them. It’s how he manipulates me into getting back together with him. But before I go study and of course by study I mean nap), I’d just like to say a few things, which applies to all guys who take advantage of their girlfriends:

1.) When I try to help you, you probably should not get mad for no reason and call me a stupid whore. I’m not stupid, and I’m in no way a whore. In case you forgot, I was a virgin when I met you. I also don’t go around throwing my cat at every guy that I meet.

2.) Sending me pictures of you pouring what looks like vitamins into your mouth and passing it off as sleeping pills makes you look like an idiot.

3.) This kind of goes with number two, but I thought that it was funny enough to have it’s own number. When you try to tell me that you’ve cut your wrists “in the name of our love” and you send me a picture that’s clearly from google, make sure that the person in the picture at least has the same skin tone as you.

4.) To any guy reading this post, if number 1-3 sound like things that you would do to your girlfriend, you either need professional help or a very serious reality check. My advice is to get both.

I never thought that anyone would refer to me as a "stupid whore." I guess that there's a first time for everything. Maybe I can use it as a conversation starter and make new friends. Actually, I just thought about it and that probably wouldn't work.

Monday, 07 November 2011

I'm not gonna lie,

I cheat on xanga with tumblr. So if any of you have tumblrs, you should follow me! http://amusing-and-confusing.tumblr.com

Wednesday, 07 September 2011

My letter to you

I think that everyone should take two minutes to read this and please recommend it because I want everyone who went through what I did to know that it will be okay.

You're lucky, you don’t have to remember me if you don’t want to, even though I was so good to you. But you took my virginity so I’ll remember. But it’s okay, because one day when I have kids, I’ll tell them how special their first time should be. I’ll tell them that mine was a mistake. That’s all I’ll remember you as, a mistake. It’s exactly what you deserve too. So even though I have to remember you, I’ll at least have made this mistake to learn from myself, and for my future kids to learn from. I can save them this heart break.
You broke a lot; you left a lot of scars. I have scars that I hide, and I have scars that don’t even break the skin. Those ones lie on inside, and they festered inside of me while you did your damage. But hopefully, one day I’ll meet someone who can help heal them. And then I’ll tell my kids that the right one exists, you just have to wait. And they’ll make all of the pain worth it. I’ll forget about all of the nights that I cried myself to sleep, the days where I didn’t eat and worried myself sick. None of it will matter because one day, I’ll wake up next to someone who will take my breath away everyday. I just have to wait, and until then , that’s exactly what I’ll do.
So thank you, because now I’m one step closer to finding this guy.

<3

Sunday, 04 September 2011

Please help,

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year. I have really bad trust issues and even worse abandonment issues. People don't stay in my life for very long, they always screw me over and then leave. He knows about this. He never opens up to me and tells me personal stuff but he expects me to do that for him. His pt isn't very good, he has been through some really horrible things when he was younger and he told me he was ready to tell me but it turns out that he wasn't. On Friday night, he slept over my house and he spent all night telling me that he loves me and that I should trust him and open up to him because he loves me and would never leave me. He said that he wants to marry me some day and have kids with me and he's never said that to another girl before. We were arguing all evening because he's told me that he loved me before and a little while later he told me that he didn't, and that hurt like hell. So I was prepared for it this time. He finally convinced me that he loved me and I need to open up to him and talk about my feelings. He knows that I don't open up to anyone and I never talk about my feelings because I don't trust anyone, not even my family. But eventually I opened up to him and told him about some of the stuff that I went through, which, for the record wasn't nearly as bad as his past. But the next morning he told me that we shouldn't be together and I got really upset. It was a very low point of my life because I couldn't handle it and I tried to do something stupid, which scared him off and he left me crying in my kitchen. Two days later he tells me that he doesn't want to date anyone and I scared him off and he just wants a friend.
I don't know what to do. I wasted a year on I'm, I gave him my virginity, I gave I'm everything and he used to treat me like complete shit. He's a compulsive liar and he lied to me every chance he got. I just don't know how to get over this. The one person who promised to never leave me left when I finally opened up because they got scared. No guy has ever told me that they loved me before, and it turns out he never did.
What I need is advice. I don't know how to get over him. What i feel is similar to someone playing loud music and you try to tune it out but it's still there. It's all you can hear but you cant avoid it and you just want to make it stop but you can't.
Please, I'm begging you guys, someone please help me. I feel so broken, I feel like it's hard to wake up in the morning because I don't have anything left. I want to move on and find someone else but I definitely won't be able to trust anyone and open up because that's what I did this time and he got scared and just left me.